A relationship may be serious or casual, monogamous or not, short-term or long-term. Intimate partner abuse does not discriminate…it does not see gender, sexual identity, economic or social status, ethnicity or religious preference.

An abuser chooses to abuse, threaten or instill fear to control their partners. There are many forms of abuse, such as physical, verbal, emotional, sexual and through social media.

• Does your partner threaten to “out” you to family, friends or employers if you do not do what they say? 
• Does your partner show signs of extreme or irrational thoughts of jealousy or possessiveness?
• Does he/she constantly grab, pinch, shove, trip, bite, kick or hit you?
• Do they threaten to tell your ex-spouse or authorities that you are gay or lesbian so they will take away your children?
• Does he/she control what you do, who you interact with or even your money, to the point where you have to ask for their permission for these things?
• Does your partner believe the idea of rape is exciting, or do they show little concern about whether you want to have sex, or demand sex when you are ill or tired?
• Do they put you down in front of others or discount your opinions/views about things?
• Domestic Violence information for same-sex couples
• Does he/she threaten to kill themselves if you try to leave them?
• Does he/she intimidate you through a look, words or gestures?
• Do they tell you no one will believe you are being abused because you are gay or lesbian?
• Does he/she get violent when drinking alcohol or using drugs?
• Does your partner abuse your pet?

If your answer to any of these questions is “yes” then you may be in an abusive relationship.

A healthy, intimate relationship involves respect, trust, support, economic independence, sexual safety and non-threatening, non-violent behavior. Each partner accepts responsibility for their behavior and recognizes that physical abuse is unacceptable and a criminal act. Alcohol, drug abuse and mental health issues are no excuse for abusive behavior and assistance should be sought from a qualified counselor who is knowledgeable about partner abuse and is lesbian/gay positive.

The first step to stopping the abuse is to reach out. Talk to a friend, family member, or someone else you trust.

The first step to stopping the abuse is to reach out. Talk to a friend, family member, or someone else you trust.  

Call 1-888-DV LINKS (385-4657), The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), San Diego LGBT Community Center 1-619-692-2077 or your local law enforcement agency (IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 9-1-1).  

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