Signs of An Abuser

• Are you discouraged or coerced from talking with family, friends or co-workers? Is your partner jealous of your time, your career, or other people in your life? 

• Does your partner insist on going everywhere with you? 

• Do you have to discuss your plans, people you will be with, and why you are going to do something with your partner before you can do them? 

• Does your partner play mind games? 

• Is your partner jealous of your success? 

• Does your partner act negatively to authority figures? 

• Does your partner believe that the man/woman makes the decisions? 

• Does your partner call you names? 

• Does your partner belittle or talk down to you? 

• Does your partner blame you if something goes wrong? 

• Does your partner put down your opinion, feelings, ideas, etc.? 

• Does your partner get violent when he/she drinks alcohol or takes drugs? 

• Does your partner come from an abusive or highly dysfunctional home? While not everyone is a potential abuser if they come from an abusive or highly dysfunctional family, there is reason to consider their long-term behavior versus their current ‘win-you-over’ behavior. Signals of an abusive person can be extremely subtle. Such as: Mini bursts of anger; Frequent swearing; Disregard for other’s rights; Frequent negativity; Mind games; Hostility toward authority; Declaring murder and/or abuse as something deserved. 

• Does your partner use shame and/or guilt to control a situation or get their way? 

• Does your partner lose his/her temper and throw things, hit objects or abuse animals? 

• Does your partner down-play any act of aggression as being a minor incident? 

• Does your partner characterize domestic violence as an exaggeration or myth? 

Signs Of Victims Staying In Abusive Relationships

• Do you have low self-esteem? People who abuse others seek out people who they deem are easy to control, manipulate and create power-over. Low self-esteem sets the stage. 

• Did you come from an abusive or highly dysfunctional home? As noted above being from an abusive or highly dysfunctional family does not mean you will attract an abuser, however, the likelihood is significantly high. Growing up in an abusive and/or dysfunctional home fosters the imprint that the highs and lows of abuse is equated to love--after all the people [your parents], who claimed to love you the most emotionally and physically hurt you. And although you didn't like it; you then seek out someone who will give you the same ‘kind of love’-- the kind that hurts--because it feels so good between the hurting. 

• Do you believe in traditional, stereotypical relationship roles? 

• Do you accept responsibility for disagreements or arguments--other than your own behavior? 

• Do you accept responsibility for their behavior to keep the peace? 

• Do you walk around on egg shells to keep the peace? 

• Do you accept the myths about domestic violence? 

• Do you tell yourself--“I can handle it, it's not that bad.” 

• Do you feel guilty if your partner becomes enraged or jealous? 

• Do you allow yourself to be controlled because you believe the person would not do it if they didn’t love you? 

• Do you believe jealousy is proof of love? 

• Do you believe some abuse is par for the course in an intimate relationship? 

These signs are more than indicators, they are varying degrees of emotional abuse and a precursor to possible physical abuse. 

If you are in a domestic violence relationship and need help, call 1-888-DV LINKS or the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or your local law enforcement agency.

IN AN EMERGENCY CALL 9-1-1